Learn how mindful reflection and self-compassion can help you transform your relationship with food and overcome the constant battle with food cravings.

Why can’t I stop emotional eating?” is one of the most common problems clients ask me when we first start meeting together. We’ve all wondered why chips, cookies, and ice cream sound particularly enticing after a long, stressful day. Or why we can’t seem to stop mindlessly popping chips when we know our bodies don’t need the chips for fuel. In these moments, clients have described this feeling to me as zombie-like, as if in a trance you can only break out of once you feel painfully full. Not only can it be uncomfortable, but also feels like a failure, especially after spending all day trying to be “good” and mindful of your food choices.

Most people who experience this think it’s due to some personal failing, like they lack the willpower or “strength” to avoid emotional eating. What I want to propose today is a reframe of this mindset: that you’re not broken or “undisciplined”. And that in fact, when you start to consider food as a viable “tool in the toolbox”, you’ll be able to approach it with more intention and calm.

The first step to finding calmness around food is to recognize that food serves many purposes besides being fuel for our bodies. There are countless reasons we humans eat! Food is the cornerstone of some of life’s most important moments: family celebrations, evenings with friends, or dates. Food can also feel grounding and soothing when we feel tired and overwhelmed at the end of the day. And this makes sense! Scientists have coined the term cognitive fatigue to describe the exhaustion we feel after being “on” all day. After hours of making decisions and socializing and sitting in traffic, we want to simply turn off our brains and unwind. And ironically, when we chastise ourselves for using food as stress relief, it only fuels the mindless overeating we’re so intensely trying to avoid. 

Let’s say it’s 8pm, and you notice the fast, chaotic self-talk that surrounds emotional eating: “Oh my god, I shouldn’t eat that cookie, why do I want a cookie, I shouldn’t be hungry, I just ate dinner, what’s wrong with me?” …Phew! Even just imagining that self talk evokes anxiety and stress. 

What if instead, we 1) simply notice the craving. Then, 2) check in with what you need at this moment. Something like: “Huh, I’m noticing a craving for a cookie. I wonder why this is? And 3) Validate why this craving would pop up: “This makes sense, I’m pretty tired after a long day. I’ve been so non-stop, maybe the cookie would be a chance for me to pause and enjoy something.” Notice how this self-talk holds much more curiosity and self-compassion? Instead of automatically assuming you’re wrong for wanting a cookie, you’re reflecting on what purpose the cookie serves, and if it sounds right for you not just nutritionally, but emotionally as well. Then, 3) decide if it’s the cookie that’s needed, or if there’s another tool in your toolbox. Sometimes, the cookie is truly the answer. In that case, grab a plate, sit down somewhere cozy, and enjoy the cookie! Notice its texture, taste, how it looks, how it feels in your hand. Slowing down and being more present with this experience helps us eat the right amount for our bodies at that moment. Other times, you might notice you’d actually be fine with a sweet herbal tea, or just need silence for five minutes, or a shower and skincare routine. Whatever your choice may be, you will start to see food as one tool in the toolbox.

If you feel like you’re struggling with emotional or mindless eating, working with a dietitian can help you heal your relationship to food, and to enjoy your favorite foods while reaching your nutrition goals.

Here are a few more quick tips for emotional eating and food cravings:

• Label what you’re feeling. Often, we jump to trying to “fix” our behaviors. In this case,

just notice and identify any emotions or physical sensations. Oftentimes, we can’t even tell what or how much we want to eat when we’re disconnected or dysregulated.

• Eat adequately throughout the day. Having satisfying, filling meals throughout the

day will help prevent the perfect storm of stress and hunger that can lead to stress

eating at the end of the day. This way, when you want to eat at the end of the day,

you’re able to do so from a more mindful and self-compassionate place.

Lastly, remember:

• You have permission to enjoy foods for all reasons, for both fuel and pleasure.

• There is no one “right” quantity of food to eat. Some days you will require more food

than others, and this is okay.

• Try to relax around the experience of eating. If you do choose to eat a fun food, make it an intentional and mindful experience, and notice what feels different about eating that way.